Not to be a fun-sucker, but getting rowdy while getting it on can be risky business, especially for his package. While living dangerously is pretty freaking great, sometimes when you play with fire, you get burned.
S*x injuries don’t happen very often, but when they do happen, it’s usually due to where you’re having s*x – not how you’re doing it, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Great in Bed.
Because your footing or other means of support are unfamiliar, s*x in places like your desk or in an airplane lavatory is a lot more likely to lead to injuries than a complicated pose, says Herbenick, citing research from the University of Maryland. Even though both of those options sound fun AF-literally.
But because we care about you and your partner, here are four s*x positions you may want to avoid or at the very least treat with respect.
THE EAGER CHIEF
The Position: You re standing on your toes while she is sitting on a counter in front of you. The s*x is…spontaneous.
Why It’s Risky: Most cases of penile fracture—ruptures of the blood-filled tubes in your erection—occur from very vigorous s*x, explains Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., who teaches human s*xuality and psychology at Harvard University.
If she is sitting on a countertop and you misses her v*gina either high or low, your unlucky pen*s has nowhere to go but into your pubic bone or the counter.
Also Risky: Any standing position that has you on the tips of your toes. A momentary lapse of calf strength could send your manhood crashing into an unforgiving barrier.
THE OVER-EXHUBERANT SWISS BALL BLITZ
Why It’s Risky: The Swiss Ball Blitz may add some bounce to your thrusts, but beware: “Pen*s breaks will be more common in any s*x position in which his pen*s comes fully out of her v*gina and then goes back in,” Herbenick stresses.
Because the Swiss ball creates an unusual amount of up and down inertia, too much oomph could lead to your pen*s slipping out of yoru lady parts just before gravity and momentum bring her crashing back down on you.
Also Risky: Stairway to Heaven, or any pose where you’re in the driver’s seat and the s*x is especially vigorous.
If she’s on top, you have less control over the in-and-out motion, and so you’re more likely to slip out of her, Herbenick explains.
THE COWGIRL AND LEAN BACK
The Position: You re on your back, she is sitting on top of you. Rather than leaning forward with her hands on your chest, she lean waaaay back.
Why It’s Risky: Like an elbow or knee, your erect pen*s can be “hyperextended” (cringe) if she put too much or too frequent downward pressure on the shaft, according to a study from the University of California, San Francisco.
Over time, this hyperextension can lead to Peyronie’s disease, or a buildup of plaques that causes your rod to bend while erect. That can make s*x impossible, the UCSF research suggests.
If you feels tugging—or even a small joint-like crack near the base of your pen*s, her angle could be a little too extreme. Tell her to leaning forward a bit more.
Also Risky: The Reverse Cowgirl + Lean Forward, The Butter Churner, The Spider, or any pose that creates the sensation of tugging down on the base of your pen*s.